Welcome to Day 1
Updated: Feb 26
Above: Actual footage of me pressing "Publish" and starting this blog!
It’s an honor to meet you. Currently, I am sitting on top of my bathroom toilet because apparently all my inspiration comes when I am in this room (anyone else?). Maybe it’s because when I come in here I subconsciously give my brain permission to turn off and chill the f*ck out because I’m in the bathroom and I don’t have any business in here other than going to the bathroom. My brain is free to roam. So here I am, late at night, fan on, candle lit, and drowning out any and all distractions because… I need this. I need to follow through with this tug on my heart.
When I had the idea to start a blog I was honestly surprised because I’ve never had even the smallest desire to share my thoughts and experiences in this way before. Maybe it’s because in the midst of Covid I don’t have the opportunity to bounce energy and ideas off of coworkers and friends as much; or maybe I’m just being called to this new path for some reason I don’t know yet. All I know is that for whatever reason, I’m charting a new heart trail and I’m so excited because I have no idea why! Because how fun is that? I don’t know if I’ve ever been pulled to do something in life unless I was also holding out for some kind of praise, validation, accolades, money, acknowledgment, recognition, or any version or combination of all of the above. Not once have I done something with the sole purpose of just DOING IT, just because it made me happy.
In making this site, I am trying something new. I am redefining everything I know (and have been taught) about “success” and “fulfillment”. My ONLY goals in creating this blog are to 1) get my thoughts out of my head and on to paper, 2) enjoy myself and authentically follow any and all joy and passion wherever they lead me, and 3) reach the life of one other person. Just one.
At its core, this blog is a passion project/ diary of self discovery that I’m all too excited to create, but it is also my own personal experiment in the law of Attraction. In the spirit of redefining my standards of success and fulfillment, I’m wondering, if I tell no one, and I mean NO ONE, about this blog, what amazing things can I attract? I’m talkin’ no sharing on my Instagram stories, no plugging in my group chats, no videos talking about it on TikTok, absolutely nothing at all. I have told one single human about this blog (Hey Sierra, I love you girl :) ) but besides her? No one. I’m talking not even telling my parents and sibling, kind of “no one”. (Ironically, I know, everything posted on the internet is public to literally the entire world but that’s not the point here.) The point is, I want to know what happens when I take these skewed definitions of “success” out of the equation. What kind of people will I attract to find me? What new passions and projects will I find I want to create along the way? What kind of life unlocks for me when I stop focusing on the “how big” and start focusing on the “how right now”? How am I experiencing life right NOW?
Right now, I am 24, about to be 25 and I have SO many passions and dreams. I am so excited and grateful to be where I am. In the past, I have spent so much time wishing I was somewhere or someone else, and I’m DONE living my life there. Right now, I know my dreams are on their way to me. I’m not sitting back, doing nothing, waiting for miracles to happen, but I have decided that I believe in miracles and that I can be a part of them whenever I want.
At 25, I have a long list of dreams. I want to have my own health consulting business. I want to give advice and guidance to women that need support in their journey with nutrition and food. I want to dance on Broadway and perform on The Today Show for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. I want to perform in Vegas! I want to break down my biases (the ones I know that I have and that I hate) and build a better me. I want to believe I am enough simply because I am alive and exist. I want to live unapologetically and courageously. I want a huge beautiful house, with tall glass windows, somewhere surrounded by trees, where I can host cozy dinner parties with my family and friends whenever I want. I want to have (three?) kids and be financially whole enough to give them the best life possible. More in the immediate future, I want to go back to school and get my Master’s, possibly even my Doctorate if that’s what I need to do. I want to be an athlete and feel strong and graceful and sexy and creative no matter what situation I’m in. I want to be humble and always be learning. I want adventure. I want connection. I want collaboration with artists and opportunities to be a part of something bigger than myself. I want to learn to sing! I want to travel as much as I possibly can. I want enlightenment and love. I want a well- rounded life that’s full of reminders that I know so much less than I thought I did, and that’s okay! I want everything. I want it all.
Now, a quick disclaimer and reminder: I will tell anyone this, including myself, because it’s what I believe, but - You are allowed to change your mind. Your goals can change. Your direction can change. What brings you joy and what fills you with excitement can change. What’s worth (or not worth) the work you have to put in can change. Likely, all of these things WILL change. I feel that not meeting your goals is only a “failure” if they are still, in fact, YOUR AUTHENTIC GOALS. Even then, have you truly failed if you are showing up for yourself in baby step ways that are getting you there?
Anyways, my list of goals right now is ambitious and lengthy. But day by day, I’m feeling less and less afraid of that ambition. My lofty goals and dreamy visions are GIFTS that have been given to me. Kacia Fitzgerald says that “You are not gifted a vision for your life without the ability to achieve it!” I know I have a LOT to learn in this life, but if nothing else, I believe that statement to my CORE. (How powerful is that?!)
I hope that this blog reaches one other person, but even if it doesn’t? I’m so proud of what it is and what it will become. The very essence of this site is to challenge all the lies we’ve been told about finding happiness in life. FORGET the crap we’ve been fed about what constitutes “value”. Unlearn societal messages such as: You need to be a celebrity to affect others. You need to be recognized by thousands of people to confirm you’re worthy of love. You need all eyes on you to make a difference. You need a microphone to matter. You need to be recognized to be important.
To combat these thoughts quickly and simply, I put my trust in the ripple effect. Any time I feel overwhelmed by the hopelessness that my presence doesn’t matter or discouraged that I’m not “famous enough” to really have an effect in the world, I take a hard stop and visualize a lake. There is nothing in this vision but the calm body of water and me. I barely touch the clear, still, flawlessly smooth surface of the water and it takes not five seconds for the ripples to come alive all the way to the edges of this vast lake.
I have realized - life? Is not anything like I thought it was. Success is not in my future or my past, it is my state of being. We are not “important” because we are loud, we are important because we are ripples. We are, each one of us, a gentle leaf (or whatever you want to be) that taps the lake of the Universe. Our acts of kindness MATTER. Our words matter. Our joy, our love, our light, all matter. Which is why this blog matters. Maybe only to me, but do my ripples not affect me and how I go about my life as well? Somehow, I am growing and falling forward. What more could I want?
Truthfully, I have no experience running a blog, or anything online for that matter. All I have experience with is being vulnerable. Maybe the only lesson I get from all of this is that that is enough. It has always been and always will be enough. If you’ve found my site and read this far, welcome from the very bottom of my heart. I don’t know how long this expression of myself will last, but I know it is here for a reason. I believe in fate, and yes, that might be a lot of emphasis to put on a blog post. But I’m not here for you, am I? I’m here for me, and for the ripples it creates. I can’t wait to see where this sucker goes. Thanks for joining me on the ride. Talk to you again soon. Xoxo